Think of how often someone's word of advice is "Be confident"?! And how it is probably the most essential piece of advice you will receive... But if you have never had confidence, you won't realise how essential it is.
What is confidence anyway? It's knowing what you are good at. It's about believing in yourself. Knowing what you are capable of. Knowing the value that you provide.
Don't mix confidence with arrogance, arrogance is believing that you are something you are not or that you are better than others & this can easily be mixed up with being confident.
When you're confident your mindset is in a much stronger place, your outlook on what you're trying to achieve will be a lot easier than you think! Confidence will allow your full potential to be portrayed, because if you're afraid, shy or nervous, there is so much you hold in all because you aren't confident enough to express it and this makes you miss out on great opportunities and experiences - such as jobs, friendship, events, fun, etc.
So why do a lot of us lack confidence? We all have insecurities or worry what other people think, but we all deal with them in different ways - it's easier to say than do, but literally, you have to think "screw what they think"... Confidence isn't about "Yes, they will like me", it's having the view of "I'll be fine if they don't". IT'S ALL IN YOUR HEAD.
There's 3 main key areas in confidence - 1) Your perspective, 2) The actions you make & 3) Maintaining that confidence.
Perspective -
- For me, I think that THE WORST thing you could do is compare yourself to others, it is sooooo unhealthy on your confidence, it not only puts yours down by thinking "oh she is better at this", but it also takes away your focus on improving your own life for the better, not making it like someone else's life. If you want to build up your confidence, you need to be realistic and know there is always going to be someone who may be 'smarter', 'richer', 'better looking' - just like there will be someone 'less intelligent', 'less wealthy'... but this is so so so irrelevant, all that is relevant is advancing your own goals.
- Adopt a positive mindset... Don't let what others make you feel inferior or let what they say about you put you down, they will only accomplish this if you let them. Avoid self-pity and looking for others sympathy, if you continue to do so, you will only begin to believe what you think. Don't be afraid to project your strength and qualities to other and focus on positive comments.
- Take pride of your qualities and talents and reflect on them, even if you think there isn't any, dig deep... it can be things like your sense of humour, your interests, sense of compassion - there's so much out there!
- Remember that no one is perfect, so bounce back from your mistakes - No. Don't look past them. Recognise what you have done, work on it/apologise and make your plan to move on. Even the most confident people will make mistakes and have insecurities, but this feeling comes and goes, its not constant, but it is reality, we all face this.
Actions you make -
- Get rid of much negativity as you possibly can, yeah sure, we can't get rid of every bit of negativity that we have in our lives, but you can definitely avoid a lot of it and cut it down. Note down things that are bringing you down - can be anything - from friends that constantly make nasty comments on you to what you are currently doing. You could be losing confidence because of such a large part of your life, such as a career path you are heading towards... you obviously can't directly cut this out, but start making a new plan, based on something you enjoy. You could have toxic friends, who put you down, maybe its time to drop them. There are going to be things you really can't change, if so, learn to cope with them - such as the weather, if you hate the winter... wrap up warmer? There's always a way.
- Stick to your principles and morals - if you don't stand for something, you will fall for anything. Don't do things for the sake of impressing others, or to make other people feel bad if they are less fortunate than you because it might make you feel better about yourself. Be true to yourself rather than doing what other people expect.
- Accept compliments that you get. Let the person who compliments you know you appreciate it and respond positively. Don't be like "yeahhhh right" and look past it. Take it to heart.
- Smile to yourself in the mirror, it seems really stupid, but personally I have done it and I feel it really works. There's theories alongside this view, that your brain can register emotions by the expression on your face. Even smile at strangers, obviously not in a creepy way and only at appropriate times. Also, if you aren't feeling too confident, fake it, it might just make you believe it - your body language helps your confidence develop a long way.
- Self appearance!!! Just the essentials, take care of yourself... it doesn't mean you have to be looking a 10/10 all of the time, but take time time in your appearance - it makes you feel like you're worth caring about.
- Make a positive difference on someones life, help them out. Knowing you have done something good will boost your self confidence as you feel you have something to offer.
- Eye contact. Maintaining eye contact with people whilst talking to them makes you seem valuable to talk to. It also makes you more confident in what you are saying to yourself and to who you are talking to.
Keeping up the confidence - it's so easy to let this slip, insecurities are always coming and going & it's easy to make yourself think you are worthless or to look at other succeeding.
- Put yourself in more unpredictable moments - you may start to lack confidence because you don't know how you will deal with an unexpected situation. Go on more trips and explore out of your comfort zone - whether it's travelling to a new country or sky diving out of a plane.
- Once you've found something that you are good at, keep it up! Try and stand out at something and make it a regular thing!
- Keep a journal, it will help address things you are not keeping up or doing so great at that can be helped & it will also remind you of what you are doing great! It's good to reflect on yourself.
- Spend time with the people that make you feel great. Keep yourself surrounded by the people that boost you up rather than put you down. The people that support you, comfort you, encourage you - these positive people will make you feel confident and feel like you have so much to offer! If possible, make goals to see these people more and to make time for them - whether its a partner, family members, friends...
- Avoid being a perfectionist and thinking you can do better (when what you have done is already amazing!) Perfectionism paralyses you and stops you from achieving your goals because you always want more or you start to become unrealistic about your goals. Find a way to be happy with what you have done.
- Don't dwell on yourself about the past or future, live in the present! Don't worry how you might have let some down a week ago, or what you are going to be doing for a night out in about a months time! Life is too short, focus on what is important right now.
- Lastly, be THANKFUL for what you have. A lot of insecurities and lack of confidence comes from thinking you don't have enough of something, making you feel incomplete. By acknowledging what you do have, you can defeat the feeling of being unsatisfied. Be grateful and appreciate things.
WARNING: Stay Humble.
